Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's leading comedians spent the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which permits foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official website promises approval "in record time."

"A brief note for you to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.