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Late-night hosts recapped Pete Hegseth's unprecedented mandatory meeting for US generals in Virginia, where he railed against "out-of-shape military members."

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert began Tuesday's Late Show with a timer to a federal closure, which would cut numerous essential services and leave many unemployed. But not everyone – Colbert noted that people considered critical employees, such as air traffic controllers or TSA agents, must continue working, even if it means working without pay. "Ideal for anyone who’s ever said ‘I just wish this TSA worker searching me was also upset,’" Colbert quipped.

He then turned to "more serious" story of the evening: Pete Hegseth gathering top generals at Quantico for an odd address in which Colbert referred to the defense secretary as a "total fool."

Hegseth proclaimed "liberation day" for America’s "fighters" who "engage in combat for a living."

"It's time for Democrats to tone down their aggressive language," Colbert remarked.

Hegseth also said there would be "no more climate change worship. No more division, distraction, or gender delusions. No leftover issues. As I’ve said before and will say again, we are done with that nonsense."

"Wow, generals, Pete used a bad word," Colbert teased. "He! Is! Cool! You know, I hear he has like a stack of magazines under his mattress."

Hegseth encouraged the generals to "tell it like it is in plain English, to point out the clear issues right in front of us."

Colbert then pointed out the obvious: "Alright, you're awful."

Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel also mentioned the federal stoppage on Tuesday night. "Democrats seek ongoing healthcare funding, whereas Republicans want to use that money to include seafood to the breakfast bar at Mar-a-Lago," he explained. "And Trump is threatening to make irreversible cuts if there’s a shutdown."

"I was recently the victim of a government shutdown – they are reversible, I will tell you that," he noted.

Kimmel then made fun of Hegseth's mandatory meeting with generals in Virginia. "All the top military leaders were pulled off the frontlines in Portland and Washington, DC and summoned to Quantico for a pep talk with Pete," he said before a clip of Hegseth bragging: "Should foes dare to confront us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision and ferocity of the war department. In other words, to our enemies: face the consequences."

"He’s so awesome," Kimmel deadpanned. "What an address. Usually when a large crowd gather in one room for Pete Hegseth, it’s an intervention."

"It was a harsh session," as Hegseth said he’d eliminate DEI initiatives in the military, as well as "men in women's clothing" and "overweight soldiers."

"Overweight military leaders are inappropriate in the halls of the Pentagon and overseeing operations around the country and the world," Hegseth said. "It appears unprofessional."

Kimmel responded with a clip of Trump moving awkwardly. "It's ironic Trump advises on health," he laughed. "I mean, if that isn’t the fondue pot calling the kettle fat, I don’t know what is."

Comedy Central Program

On the Daily Show, Ronny Chieng also mocked Hegseth's ominous mandatory meeting with US generals. "We all act strangely sometimes," he joked. "Some of us slide into an ex’s DMs, and some of us call every US general to a meeting at Quantico."

Chieng then played clips from Hegseth's rant against "overweight military personnel," which he called a "poor image."

"That’s what you called all these generals in for? To tell them they’re fat?" he asked. "Couldn’t you just leave some passive aggressive comments on their Instagram? Like ‘hey, congrats general, when are you due?’"

"He shares confidential info, but when it comes to body shaming, he’s like ‘I want to see their round features when I tell them how fat their faces.’"

"Look, I get the military needs to be fit," Chieng continued. "However, regarding larger leaders, they’re kind of like coaches, right? Coaches don’t need to be fit enough to play the sport, they just have to be suitable to date a 24-year-old," he said next to a photo of Bill Belichick and his girlfriend.

Hegseth also said he’d prohibit beards or long hair. "Per Hegseth, America’s military standards are now going to be indistinguishable from a Grindr profile – no fatties, no facial hair, and get those ladies the fuck out of my sight," Chieng joked.

Seth Meyers

And on Late Night, Seth Meyers summarized Trump’s meeting with the Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, at the White House on Monday, where he told reporters that he’s very confident he could quickly achieve a peace deal in Gaza. "Dude, you said within 24 hours nine months ago, ‘quickly’ is no longer in the cards," Meyers laughed. "That's like endless delays.’"

"This from the guy who couldn’t even end the war in Portland," he joked, referring to Trump sending national guard troops to Portland for no reason.

Trump also told a news outlet that he would imagine that the justice department is investigating the former FBI director, Christopher Wray, "then he winked aggressively," Meyers quipped.